When you’re left on your own, you think it was all your fault, you can’t blame anyone else because you feel like it’d all be pointless.
You feel like you need proof, to prove all of this wasn’t because of you, you feel like this is a test, and you’re going to lose.
You feel like the pressure of life is building up, you feel like just surviving is not enough.
You feel like your family didn’t love you enough, that the whole world is all too much.
You end up heartbroken,
as the ones who were meant to be there when things got tough, weren’t there. It’s makes you feel so worthless, so destroyed, like a deserted toy when the child grew up.
So it turns out, all your hopes and your dreams were shattered from the start, you can’t do anything anymore to make your mark. It’s like everything crashed and burned in front of your eyes, and you had no power, as if your hands and legs were tied.
And when you’re pushed to the edge, all your hopes and dreams shatter to the floor, and the things that you wanted to do, crash against the walls, and you fall down from the sky, then you crash to the ground, and everything, just goddamn everything gets choked and drowned, till you can’t breathe, and this loneliness and abandonment suffocates you till you collapse to your knees, and you try to scream for help for someone to turn around and give you a roof over your head and a bed to rest the dread, but no one does, everyone just leaves over and over and over, leaving puncture marks in that gentle heart of yours as if your presence is a blur, as if your very existence is but a mere carpet stain in a hostel room that you’ve been staring at since you moved your things in wondering if it will love you.